It’s crazy how much a persons thoughts, ideas, and goals change as life progresses.
The events that take place, people that come and go. It sometimes feels like traveling to new places. You get a taste of something amazing and then it’s gone. Until another comes along. And it’s a repeat process. Might be why I like traveling so much. Chasing that rainbow!
I spend a lot of time thinking. You get that when you’re basically without any adult to converse with day in and day out. With kids getting older, years cruising by, you blink and it’s gone. I wish for it to slow down, and it seems to speed up.
My grandma sold her home this week. She’s lived there basically her entire married life. My mom was born and raised there, so we’ve been going there since we were babies. Saturday night sauna, always followed up by my grandmas chocolate chip cookies, and if we were lucky, some root beer. We’d then sit around reading comics in our pajamas while my mom and dad had their sauna. My grandparents house holds so many special memories.
Life from then seems like a completely different world. Everything’s changed now. In just a couple years. And while some are great, like my newest little babe, others not so much, mostly losing my dad.
Where I once kept myself going non stop to deal with anxiety, regrets, grief, up until the past couple weeks, I’ve now come full stop. I don’t want to make time go by.
I want to hold and cuddle my baby and kiss her little chubby cheeks, without thinking I need to get some rows in to finish my latest design. I want to laugh and talk to my oldest before she’s moved away, make sure we can keep a good connection.
And still not leave behind any of the middle children. There’s nothing worse than working on an unnecessary task, ie knitting, and getting frustrated when they want to show me something and I need to stop what I’m doing and then I’m feeling terribly guilty later for feeling frustrated.
Many years ago, I had been so determined that I was going to be everything I could. I’d have my own business, raise all my kids, homeschool, clean and cook, travel, do. it. all. And I have. I’ve filled my life with everything I love, but it’s too much right now.
My business really has had most success from Instagram. I’ve done design collaborations, generated loyal customers, and even made a couple virtual knitter friends. Lately though, Instagram is only keeping accounts relevant that do reels, stories, keep themselves very active on social media.
Unfortunately I can’t do that. I’m not a fan of social media as it is, I really only have used it for marketing knitting patterns. But with all this new stuff, I just don’t have the time. It takes enough time to take and edit photos as it is.
So even though my business account is kind of dwindling out, and yes that affects my sales, I do feel fine with it all. I think it’s actually a good thing. I’ve taken a huge step back from that, and a huge step forward into what matters most to me at this time. My kids, traveling, photography, adventuring, and spending quality time with my family. I have always done this, but have had the extra anxiety of knitting hanging over my head. “I need to finish this project, need to knit, need to knit, need to knit.”
I’ve always said, I’ll never stop knitting. And I won’t. I love it. I love designing, really that part more. I love photographing it. I love it all. But I’ll do it when time permits, no deadlines, no feelings of keeping relevant on Instagram. No pressure to keep new designs out monthly.
I just need a break to re evaluate, keep myself at a good level of healthy stress, and figure out what I need to feel fulfilled.
Good timing for a cabin trip! Beach relaxing, hopefully some book reading, shopping in calumet and houghton. I’m so excited to share photos and stories from there with you all. Off to Minnesota tomorrow, then having a travel convoy up with my sisters Sunday!
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!